Solutions For Life

This is the ‘let’s get personal boss’.  So much different from ossipy boss, Ruthless and Bossy, this personal actually is interested in you, especially if you are ‘hot’ and available. Here’s a prime example.   I had used the services of  a very well known ear surgeon to do a small surgery for me and it went very well.   When my twenty something daughter developed a throat problem, I sent her to him for a consult.    He saw her one time and then said he would give her a prescription  but then could no longer treat her as a patient.   She was shocked and asked why.   He told her that he wanted to ‘date’ her and it would be inappropriate to be treating her at the same time.   Many of us could not imagine mixing serious business with attempted grabs for pleasure, but the sexy leader does it all the time.   If you have ever worked at a hospital, you have seen what goes on with doctors and nurses.   One well respected specialist had a special nurse he choose to work with in his surgeries.  Others wondered why because others were more competent.   The reason came out when it was discovered that she was giving him oral sex in a consultation room.  Eventually he divorced his wife to marry this nurse but then he was off to the races with yet another ’special assistant’.

Sexual pressure used to be totally commonplace on the job but it has had to be toned down with the sexual harassment laws.  That does not mean it has stopped.   It’s just a little less obvious.   The sexed up leader knows how you dress, how you sit, how you look going away, and hints that you might be up for a little romance.   They will tell you it’s all business but you know that’s a lie from the very beginning.   They want like minded people around them and encourage salty jokes and provocative talk.   They insist on the personal touch and do remember birthdays, special occasions, and encourage office get togethers at holidays.  The better to be able to get someone to have a few drinks and lessen some inhibitions.  Let’s get it on!

Your Sexy Boss is always having hurt feelings.   Somebody didn’t remember, someone passed on by, someone set the stage for rejection.   So the Seductive Boss likes to bitch and complain a lot and nurse old grievances.   This boss also loves to gossip, dish the dirt, and find out who is playing around and having marital trouble.  Attractiveness and ‘personal’ interpersonal skills are stressed.  This person is a believer in people power and influencing people by getting close to them.   Coyness, flirtatiousness, looking sexy, and being attentive and helping out will go a long way with this leader. 

This is the CEO you will hear about getting involved with an employee and getting divorced.   This will be the person who is known to have affairs and think others are having them too.  They always perceive themselves as desirable and cute as a button.  They preen and posture and have  dramatic flair.    It can be a real life soap opera around this boss who always has a grudge going, someone who has been rejecting or hurtful, and someone who is withholding affection.   They are caretakers who want to get in your business and find out what’s troubling you.   They are protective of their people and will fight for them, unless, of course, it makes them appear less attractive and wanted.   Their language is salty, funny, and they are fun to be around as long as you know that revenge, intrigue, and jealousy are just around the corner. 

Does this seem like a fun boss?   Maybe because it won’t be boring and you won’t be ignored.   This leader know who you are and how you feel and if something different is happening with you.   The words ’sweetie, dear, angel, my savior’ and such words will be bouncing around.  Honey will be everywhere until you look the wrong way, get in a snit and won’t talk, or even worse, gossip about this leader.   You can carry tales about everyone else but remember to keep this boss’s secrets.   Another thing you will notice about these bosses is they tend to get along fairly well with other leaders due to their ingratiating way of sucking up and seeming terribly interested the other person’s life, family, and outside activities.   When they are down their shoulders are slumped, they drag themselves along, have that ‘woe is me’ look on their faces, and want you to pat them, reassure them, and tell them how much you care about how they are feeling.  Their hearts are on their sleeves and if you tend to be a cold fish, you don’t want to keep working for this one because you will be seen as unfair, uncaring, and unworthy of a job.   Out you go and isn’t it just too bad that you couldn’t adjust.

If you are the Sexy Leader, try to play fair all the way around. You know you are more fair to some than others depending on what they can do for you.   Quit being a crybaby around your people and expecting them to rescue you everything your lip quivers.   Keep your paws off the employees and even if you can’t stop fantasizing about someone who works for you, keep a lid on it.   Don’t be so quick to take ’sides’ when one of your favorites gets into it with someone who is not on your top list.   Business is business and keep it that way most of the time.   I know, you can’t help but gossip and flirt but keep it to a minimum.  The good thing about you is you will have spies running to you with any news that could affect your position.   The bad news is you bitch too often and too loud and that could get carried to the wrong people, if you know what I mean.

So tell me, folks, do you know the Sexy, Seductive Leader?   E mail me your stories and how you handle this emotional leader who seems to suffer from chronic hurt feelings.   Remember, all e mails are confidential.

Thanks.   Sharon

Just wanted to let you know that this series of dealing with bosses, leaders is bringing out a huge amount of comment from all of you.    Your e mails are telling me that you would like to do some pretty damaging things to your boss—or worse.   There are many more boss/leader types to be discussed and suggestions as to how you can handle your feelings about this.   Keep logging on.

The person you work for and the person who leads you has a profound effect on your life.   If you like, admire, respect and get along with the boss, you have a good attitude about going to work, putting forth the extra effort, and getting the job done.   When you arrive on the job you are good to go.    When you leave, you are satisfied and ready to go home and live your other life.  There is a smooth transition when you head home.  You may be tired but you are OK.

On the other hand if you hate your boss, think he or she is a total asshole, you want to get back and rebel in subversive manners.  Lots of you have already sent suggestions of how you have worked against your boss to make your point.   You know that the boss has the CONTROL and you are in a position to have to at least appear to be going along with the program.   You are angry when you go in to work and fume while you are there.   You want every break you can get, and look for opportunities to sluff off if you can.  But you know you have to be sly because it is no longer easy to change jobs and get needed insurance benefit coverage.   So you are stuck and stuck people tend to get mean and vindictive.  There’s nothing you would rather see that your boss fall flat and get fired.  You are delighted when your hours on the job are over so you can now live your ‘real life’.  You have to find a way to ‘decompress’ as you are heading home and many times can’t wait for that first beer to smooth things out.

Many of you think there are truly evil bosses who should be eliminated.   You feel they are exploiting you and all you are is a robot, going through the motions.   And you are hesitant to discuss your feelings with your co workers because they might rat on you and get you fired.     And you know there is always that ‘mole’ running around, trying to get you to make negative comments which can quickly get reported.  It’s like your job is an ‘ulcer’ in itself. Your resume is out there but nobody is hiring.  When soebody else gets a break and leaves, you are sad to be left behind.  It can eat at you, cause you to drink more, eat more, and fight with your spouse and family because they are easy targets.   When you are on the job, you are there is body only because your escape is to let your mind take you away.   That’s why so many people with access to computers at work use them for personal desires.  That’s why people use sick leave as much as they can and come late to work.   That’s why they have ‘accidents’ on the job and learn a lot about Workman’s Comp and Unemployment insurance.   

We all know that leaders/bosses are not going to change.   They got where they are by doing what they do naturally, which is mostly screwing you over.   That’s what you all are telling me and your opinions are very, very strong.

I will keep rolling along because there are many more miserable bosses besides Bossy, Ruthless, Detailed, and the Cocky Show Off.   Keep sending me your stories and I will use them to help my descriptions.   Tell me when you think I am right on target and when you think I missed the mark.   I’m on your side.

Remember, keep those donations coming as it helps keep my fingers loose on the computer.   Thanks. Sharon

The Cocky Show Off Boss/Leader is the ‘look at me, ain’t I great’ personality.   They are attention, glory hounds  who want the spotlight and the applause.   They are braggarts, risk takers,   and achievers  who get a lot done but then exaggerate the record.   Everything about them shouts’ be impressed with me, I’m the greatest’ and if you don’t get the hint, they will tell you in your face how  they are simply the best.

They are on a continual roll and there’s  hell to pay when things go wrong.   They have to be in the center of everything, talking louder and faster than anyone else.   They work hard to get along with  Bossy Leader and the Ruthless leader by joking around and lavishing praise and being ‘yes’ people.   As long as they get to be on stage with everyone watching, they are really enjoyable people.   When they are put down, frowned on, criticized, or humiliated, there is going to being plenty of trouble.  But they usually  try to play the clown and put on the clown face because they need to be accepted and appreciated.

These leaders tend to be flashy but not deep.  The ones I’ve known are very ’surface’ types. They are the ones for which the song “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with” was written.  They never want to get bogged down in detail or  consider things in depth which makes it horrible for them to get along with the Detailed leader.   Everything is rushed and pressured and there is no time for re thinking anything.   No excuses.   Move.   It’s off to the races and the limelight.   They are fair weather friends who will disown you when things go wrong because now you have become a downer who makes them look bad and keeps them off the stage.

The smiling , encouraging face of this leader does get them places.  Smile and the world smiles with you.  Put on a show, get people to laugh, and the atmosphere is excellent.   They are ingratiating to people they need and aggreeable to anyone they want to impress.   But  they are the ones who wish to be worshiped and adored.   They want the glory and simply pretend to go along with the accomplishments and fame of others.   They seeth inside when they are not the center of the applause.

This leader can embarrass you with being an attention whore.   Needing the spotlight, he or she will be anything to be the center of attention.   Even if it means being outlandish or simply rude.   I know one for example who would make a huge deal of folding up dollars as tips for the waitrress and then taking time explaining why he did this and ‘wasn’t this just great’?   Everyone was supposed to clap and applaud but the first time in a restaurant, it worked.   The second or third time it was a downer.   This leader can’t take a bow and leave.   It has to happen over and over and over and over again.

How do you work for this cocky, show off?  First, give attention and acknowledgement to this blowhard when he or she enters the scene—ALL THE TIME.  Maintain a smiling face and for god’s sake, laugh at any and every joke, no matter how many times you have heard it.    Move quickly, show enthusiasm, and be willing to run at high speed when told.  Always remember the goal.   Get the showoff  in the limelight so you can have some time to take a breather.  .  Never try to hog the stage or get the glory for yourself.   Know your place.   You are hired help and can be replaced.   Frown for long and you will be placed somewhere, not to be seen.  Expect and accept being bullied and pressured to put a rush on when the show off demands it.   Don’t walk, run—and right now. By the way, you will be the one sitting at the desk, doing all the work.    The show off will not be able to sit still for long and will be prancing and dancing around,  rallying the troops, and playing the pied piper.  Too many negative comments and forgetting to constantly praise this boss can put you on the street.

OK.   You  are the Show Off.   You are really something.   You are puffed up and cocky and sure of yourself.   You think you can bluff your way through anything with your willing smile.   Sometimes you can. But you better have a lot of ‘think tank’ people behind you and stay out of their way.   Make sure you have the people to take care of the details and watch for mistakes  because you’re too busy riding in the parade to do it yourself.   And watch our for your Jekyll and Hyde personality.    When you feel that you have not been appreciated, acknowledged, or criticized in the least, you become a show off with fangs, ripping into anyone who gets in your way.   Nobody will like you this way.   You expect everyone around to to keep up the pace, have ten balls in the air, and be happy about it.   Slowpokes drive you nuts and you have to watch your mouth if being critical at the wrong time, wrong place will put you off the stage.  You have to entertain and exaggerate and bull shit non stop , making people around you want to run for cover.  Learn to take a break and let others take the attention so you can have a breather.  Prancing and dancing are fine in a parade but there are times you have to be serious, concerned, and appropriately quiet.   Accept that there is a time and place for laughter and sadness.

So, folks, what do you think of this cocky show off?   Am I on target and have you been around one you cannot stand?    Are you the cocky leader who is seeing this and bristling for the chance to blow me away?  Always e mail with your encounters with the Show Off- also  Bossy,  Ruthless,  and the Detailed Leader.

Remember to keep sending donations which keep me typing away for your enjoyment.   Thanks.   Sharon