I have counseled people who have gone through trauma-rape, assault, attack, terrible illness, death, chronic pain, etc. They have told me that the result is that they have begun to feel dead and lifeless. Drugs and booze, sexual acting out, gambling, shopping, eating, and other addictions make that person feel comfortable again. You have heard of men discussing their war experiences and how many of the soldiers became drug dependent. Same goes for police officers which experience constant trauma on the street and seek to deaden their pain with alcohol and sometimes suicide.
Trauma changes people and those who have not experienced severe trauma find it hard to identify with the pain and numbness which results. A trauma is always unexpected and there was nothing to stop it from happening. The loss and experience of destruction is out of our control. Each of us reacts to trauma differently and a lot depends on our coping mechanisms and support system.
Some negative experiences which are often seen after trauma are:
Substance abuse- drugs and alcohol
Self destructive, compulsive, unhealthy behavior
Feelings of being detached, on the outside of life
Feelings of lack of power, shame, and helplessness
Feeling damaged and worthless
Loss of hope and spiritual beliefs
Imagine a soldier coming home without legs, with brain trauma, blind, suicidal. this is a trauma everyone can visualize. Same with someone with a diagnosis of terminal cancer. It’s the sense of doom and impending disaster. Psychological trauma can have the same effect. You have flashbacks and relive the terrible things which have happened to you.
People in your life will often tell you to move on and get over it. After all, it is in the past. But for many people, the effects of serious traumas can last the rest of one’s life. Sometimes flashbacks and fears and anxieties are suppressed and come back suddenly years after the incident. The pain and fear are the same as they were at first. Only people who have experienced trauma themselves are truly empathetic with your situation and understand what you are going through.
Usually, when someone develops addiction problems after trauma, he or she is trying to stamp out the feeling connected with what happened. It is a way to keep denying what happened, to feel differently, alive again,in control, and having power. It is so easy to grab onto what seems like a lifeline and have it turn into a monster which controls your life.
One of the big things you can do yourself or with help is make yourself talk to many ’safe’ people about what happened to you. It makes it more real and makes you feel less isolated. Stay away from anyone who start to interrupt with ‘You need to hear what happened to me.’ Such people are selfish and not helpful. You will know when it is time to stop talking about what occurred. It just won’t seem so necessary.
Re-establishing trust with your fellow humans may be hard but it must happen for you ever to feel safe again. Working on this is much more important than reaching for the booze or pills or internet sex chat room. They will not help you heal.
Physical activity will be a blessing for you, gardening, walking, exercising. It is a good depression fighter and can help you to pull your thoughts together. It is a ˜clean’ way to feel better. Try to get back into what is as ‘normal’ a routine for you as was before the trauma.
Do things that make you feel good like listening to music, singing along, watching a good movie, do crosswords and feel that you are doing something positive to help yourself be alive today without the aid of any substance or unhealthy activity. Trauma changes you forever but you are not dead. Be alive without addictions and spend the rest of your life in as positive way as possible.
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