We have a culture which tells us that it is good to tough things out, to overcome, and to keep going. Sometimes that is very bad advice for someone who has tried about everything possible and still is suffering. All things cannot be fixed. All relationships cannot be saved. All careers cannot be salvaged. Some illnesses are never going to get better. So why do we keep telling people that it is they who are the failures if they give up the ghost?
There are marriages which were not made in heaven and which are actually hellish. Opposites attract but often they cannot endure. People who stay together because it is the right or moral thing often end up taking heavy doses of prescription medicine, drinking excessively, and looking for love in all the wrong places.
Nowadays it is not unusual for someone to have a long, expensive education, only to realize when the education stops and the work begins the disappointment arrives. There is often a lot of pressure from family and spouses to ’stick to it’ because lots of money was spent to make the education happen. Forcing someone to stay with a career which is miserable for that person guarantees unhappiness, not only for that person but for anyone around them.
Sexual orientation can be a real conflict. Let’s say a young boy realizes from a young age that he is attracted to other males. This is totally unaccaptable in his family so he fights off the impulses. Sooner or later, he will reach out and touch someone who is like himself. In the meantime, he may have made commmitments and faked his way in false relationships which are now ruined. Was it a sign of character to falsify his sexual identity or should he have accepted his being gay and lived his life to follow his identify?
Following a parent’s dream can be a nightmare for the child. Accepting the parent’s views and values, following the parent’s path rather than one’s own eventually leads to depression and self hatred. We cannot be who we are not. Invariably there comes a time when the rubber hits the road and we are struck with the realization that we are living someone else’s dreams, not ours. When we veer off in another direction, there is hell to pay.
There are many and frequent instances when we realize we have made the wrong choices in life. Too many of us think we cannot ‘re-decide’. There is no commitment made in cement. People change, values change, and we must change too. There is no strength found persisting in a wrong choice. It only leads to depression and misery. What seems heavenly at one stage of your life can turn into hell at another. If you don’t recognize and deal with changes, you are doomed.
Look at our wars. In Vietnam, politicians kept telling us we were going to stick it out. Then reality hit and we got out quick. The same will happen in Iraq. When we get our military involved and it starts out badly, keeps getting worse, and we can see the writing on the wall, we declare victory and leave. It is unfortunate that hindsight is always 20-20 but it is the same in our lives. We jump in, make a commitment, and are sorry for it later. Ostriches can hide their heads in the sand but we just cannot. Face it now or face it later but you will face it.
Realistically, sometimes giving up and moving on is better than stubbornly staying with a bad choice, a bad job, or a bad marriage. It beats a life of quiet desperation and depression. It can add years to your life and life to your remaining years.
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