Here’s a statistic which should knock your socks off. According to the National Institute of Health, suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people 15-24 years of age. The only two higher on the ladder are accidents and murder. And they tend to ‘run together’. The suicide of one teen can trigger copy cats to do the same thing. Remember how important peer behavior is to other teens.
As with adults, males are four times as likely to be successful in suicidal attempts. They use guns, hang themselves, jump off high places, and use cars to kill themselves. Girls are suicidal but usually have several attempts which are unsuccessful. Girls are more likely to talk about their feelings and accept support and understanding. Boys think they have to ‘go it alone’.
What is so sad is the incidents likely to trigger these suicides-disappointments, rejection, failure, bullying, breaking up with a girl or boyfriend, and failing in school, and parental problems. Teens don’t have the capacity to get the ‘big picture’. For them, the drama of what is happening now cannot be sluffed off by thoughts of the future in a ‘grown up life’. The stress is too much, a way out is sought.
Teen years are times of real confusion, sexual triggers, need to conform, and need to be independent. They are a time when the young person starts to demand respect and self direction, even when living under the parents’ roof, which really starts the conflict. They want to be a grown up and make their own decisions, no matter what it takes. But they need to be nurtured and supported at the same time, which is the springboard for toxic family relations.
Suicide among teens often occurs following a stressful life event but is usually the tip of the iceberg. The teen has showed signs of depression, and probably drug or alcohol use. Anyone close to that person has seen signs of distress but for whatever reason does not address them. The teen has often seen someone else in the family commit suicide and has talked about this act. Sadly, the teen has often experienced sexual or physical abuse or lack of attention and interest in his/her feelings. No real support system is in place and the teen feels helpless, alone, and suicidal. The feeling is of being an ‘outsider, a ‘failure’, a ‘loser’.
You need to pay attention right now if these things happen:
A lot of talk of death or suicide
Talk about ‘leaving this earth’ or ‘going away’
Talk about constant failure
Talk about feeling guilty and helpless to change what was done
Retreat from family and friends
Discontinuing former interests, staying alone
Obvious change in sleeping and/or eating
Irritable, yelling, threatening
Drinking, drug use, driving recklessly
Feeling bad about grades, unable to compete in sports
Split with friend
So what are you to do if a teen seems depressed and distressed?
1.NEVER LAUGH AT OR DISCOUNT a teen telling you about sadness or lost love. They can think this is the end of the world and cannot see the big picture because they are innocents who never dreamed things could go so wrong.
2. Ask questions. Are you thinking about suicide? Do you think your life is over? Do you wish you were dead? Are you planning to kill yourself? These questions show concern and care about what happens to this young person.
3. Even if your family life has not been that good and there is turmoil in the home, get involved. Conflict with family at this time can only escalate the problem. This teen needs attention and assistance. If you cannot provide it, contact a social agency who can help.
4. If you see your child has a gun or pills, get immediate help. Call 911, get the teen to a hospital. Call for help now.
5.Get counseling arranged and keep the appointment. Don’t listen to ‘Oh, I feel a lot better now.’
Why should parents, families, and friends be on high alert if a teen seems suicidal? The death of a teen is horrible for everyone. There is so much second guessing after and families are blaming each other, grieving, and split apart forever. The pain and loss will never go away. Healing later is much more difficult than getting ahead of this dangerous situation.
As a teen, everything is monumentally important and things are blown out of proportion. That is just normal. So you can expect mood swings, highs and lows. When a stress seems too much, a teen thinks he or she just cannot deal with it. They try to fix the problem by killing themselves. You need to be there to tell them that they can turn it around and you can and will help.
Wake up. Only a third of teens who talk about suicide get any real help and only 15% of those who succeeded were in any type of treatment program when they died. Teens get this idea that suicide is a noble thing to do, solve everyone’s problems by having themselves go away. Will you step in and help a teen who feels this way?
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