I can still remember my father telling someone in the family, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings but you have no personality’. My father was a blunt person who was always outspoken. You always knew where you stood with him and he was never one to ‘hold back’. In his mind, you were either a ‘people person’ or you were not. I tell you this to illustrate a real concern most of us have in our society. Do we have ‘personality’, are we ‘likeable’ do people’avoid us’ or always head our way. Are we welcoming and pleasant or critical and judgmental? Do we make a good first impression or are people glad to see us go? Have we lost jobs, relationships, friends, and marriages because of our personality? There is no use minimizing this aspect of our lives. We need this magic ‘personality aura’ to succeed , win friends, and influence people.
When I was growing up, there was this woman in the neighborhood everyone avoided. They referred to her as ‘B.O. Plenty’. In fact, she smelled bad. People ran when they saw her coming. ‘Here comes B.O., run for your lives.’ You would not describe this as a’personality problem’ but was it? Having a good personality means being largely concerned with the effect you have on people. So making sure that you do not upset others or alienate them may really be a large part of personality. We have to look at all aspects of how we communicate and present to people when we use the big P word.
We inherit genes which can definitely affect our personality. Also,many times people will remark that we have the personality of one of our parents. Usually there is one parent we comunicate with better because we ‘talk the same talk’. But personality is more than a gene pool. It evolves as we grow up and mature. Family situations and events definitely shape what we view as our personality. Social and environmental factors also play a big part. There are parts of the country which emphasize communicating and participating in social situations and others which value silence and keepings things secret. Our color, our race, our education, our time in history, and exposure to groups of person tend to mold our personality. So it’s very hard to just talk about ‘personality’ as something static, not changing, not evolving.
One thing is definite. Personality is important. It affects who you will marry, what job you have, where you will live, how you get along with people, and how happy you will be. It’s no wonder that people run to courses which are supposed to tell them how to ‘get personality’. If you have personality you get the good things in life. If you don’t, you are on the outside looking in. Personality can be a big plus or a big negative.
From the time we are in grade school we learn that some kids can sweet talk the teachers, get elected to class president, be voted most likely to succeed, and have other kids flocking around them. They got the mojo we want. Anyone who has been outside the ‘in crowd’ knows that fitting in and tucking in close to the popular kids will keep you on good terms with most. There is so much power exerted even at a young age by those who instinctively know how to ‘win friends and influence people’.
Personality is power. It is a strength which can drive you to the top and make others envious of your abilities. It can be a horrible weakness when your personality is such that others do not want to help you, cooperate with you, support you, and team up with you. So the next series of blogs are going to be about what your personality is like and how you can make the best of it. I am going to help you learn how to feel more likeable, more interesting, and more powerful. I want you to believe that your personality can work for you, if you let it.
Send me e mails as we begin as to how you believe your personality has helped you or hurt you throughout your life. Remember, your identity will always be concealed.
Thanks, friends, and keep those small donations coming.