The first thing you must have if you are a Genuine Bona Fide Worrier is someone to listen to your concerns. You simply have to have the chance to tell how you feel, why you think you are so tied up in knots, and how you believe your life is being affected negatively by this anxiety. You need someone who cares and is supportive.
Ours is a ‘quick fix’ world in which someone or anyone is just waiting to step in and tell you, ‘That’s ridiculous. You have no reason to worry.’ Or, ‘Just do this and things will work out’. Tell that to the wind.Â
Sadly, no one really wants to listen to us. Test this out. The next time someone in passing asks you ‘How are you’ or ‘How’s it going’, begin your tale of woe and watch the person’s face take on a disbelieving look. How dare you say how worried or tense or anxious you really are. You are taking up someone’s valuable time and they are not going to ask you the next time.
You as a worrier, cannot be helped until you have had the opportunity to VENT. You have to tell it all and the only situation where that is usually possible is with trusted loved ones, counselors, and support groups. When you throw your anxiety out there for someone else to consider, it’s off your shoulders, at least temporarily. Of course, you have to have a situation where someone is really listening to you without stopping you and telling you what you have to do to ’stop this nonsense’.
Sometimes just being able to talk things out with someone or some group who are supportive, understanding, and caring helps you say ‘ahhh, that’s nice’. Even though you get no solutions, you will benefit from being around people who accept you as you are without trying to judge you. You get enough of that judgement business other places. It is really something to be in a support group situation and see someone finally blurting out all kinds of worries and watch the group react with understanding. That’s because they have been in that same miserable place.
Mild or even moderate anxiety and worry may be helped by learning more about your worry and anxiety and finding self help tools to deal with it. I’m sure that’s why you are reading this blog, to get a few suggestions and tips to help you out. You’ve already tried the ’stiff upper lip ‘way and tried to ‘pull yourself together’ but it hasn’t worked as well as you expected. You may have tried booze as a solution but found out that the overuse of alcohol in itself can produce even more anxiety and poor sleep. You could have tried a lot of different pills but someone the relief was just not there.
It is very important to understand that no therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist can solve your problem. You as a worrier and self critical person have a real tendency to put any therapist you see up on a pedestal, a person who has all the answers and healing powers. It just ‘ain’t so’.
Therapists are not people with magical wands they can wave over you. They cannot cure you but they can help you get the tools to cure yourself. When they say the magical words, “You’re not nuts’, or ‘You are not going to end up in a mental ward’ your heart soars with relief. The trick is to get a therapist who is warm, compassionate, and caring. I have met many who are condescending, critical, and cold as a refrigerator.
You might find that a therapist is very helpful or even necessary in these cases:
Your phobias are keeping you from doing the normal routines of life.
You are trying to get relief from worry by using alcohol, illegal drugs, or binging and purging.
Your panic is getting worse and the attacks are happening more often.
You worry about hurting YOURSELF or someone else.
You think your life is spinning out of your control.
You have no person or group to give you emotional support.
You are withdrawing socially because of your fears and worries.
Your marriage and family life is being hurt by your fears.
You have tried self help and behavior changes but get no results.
Your family doctor tells you need more help that he or she can give you.
The question becomes “Who is a good therapist to help me with my worry?. It’s ridiculous that people spend more time buying a house or a car or a boat than they spend checking out who is a good therapist who has helped others with the same problems. And it is very important for you to accept this fact. You must have a therapist with whom you feel comfortable. You will accept advice and support only from someone you think has your best interests at heart and if you think the therapist is a phony, you won’t get a thing out of any therapist sessions.
Quick Tip: If you meet a therapist and do not like him or her right away, RUN. This is a sign that you are not on the same wave length. Your gut tells you right away when someone is going to help you. Listen to your gut. It is right on.
More information and suggestions about worry and making your life more enjoyable will be coming in future blogs. Hold on. Help is on the way.
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